You Never Can Tell

 Here in the Trenches, we say "You never can tell," an awful lot. You never can tell what piece paper may be most important.  You never can tell if that mild mannered person harbors an exciting alter life.  You certainly never can tell what a judge might do, or what testimony or piece of evidence they find most important.  Yup, here in the Trenches, you never can tell.

You also never can tell when a seed you've planted will take root.  If you read my old blog, amazingly called "Family Law - Life in the Trenches (note the hyphen),"  you know that I am a big proponent of alternate ways of resolving disputes, like mediation and collaborative practice.  I even teach collaborative practice to other professionals and at law school.   I talk about mediation and collaboration all the time, especially collaborative practice.  Did I mention that it is all the time?  One of my friends has been subjected to more explanations of collaborative practice than all of my hundreds of students put together.  I am aware that during many of those conversations I have been on her speaker phone as she makes dinner and occasionally intersperses the obligatory "uh, huh" and "yup, I remember."  Well, it turns out that her husband, who was walking in and out of the room while we talked, listened more than we thought.  Last week, he was sitting in the waiting area of a medical clinic.  Next to him was someone who was obviously going through a divorce.  This person was sitting with their doctor and they mentioned their spouse wanted to do their divorce collaboratively.  The doctor said "What's collaborative law?  I've never heard of that."  To which, my friend's husband said that actually, he did, and then proceeded to explain the process to them.  You never can tell.

So what's the lesson here?  There are so many. I think my biggest takeaway is that you should be careful what you talk about and where, especially around your children. Just because they don't say anything doesn't mean they don't or didn't hear you or understand what you're saying.  Or misunderstand what you're saying and don't bother to let you know.  You'll only find out they're listening and what they understood of what you said when they tell other people, or heaven forbid, break down.  You never can tell.  Here in the Trenches.